“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.“ Henry James
Henry James Wiki Photo 15 April 1843 – 28 February 1916
Why is it important to be kind? This article provides 10 effective techniques for dispelling negativity with kindness. The next 10 paragraphs arm your brain trust with a deposit of knee-jerk kindness amplifying systems you can use immediately.
10 Secrets To Killing With Kindness:
1) Acceptance 2) Adjustments 3) Attendance 4) Coordination 5)Empathy 6) Expectance 7) Gratitude 8) Preparation 9) Smiling 10) Social Identity
I know hundreds of business professionals. One of the mantras of successful entrepreneurs is, “Only do business with folks you like and whose company you enjoy.” Attracting, maintaining, and engaging strong relationships with amicable people is easy. What happens when people are cantankerous? The first task to complete when considering whether a prospect deserves to be a customer is establish the traits of an ideal customer. Each customer is unique, which
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means no two customers or people are the same. Accept that people are unique and each person is capable of unkind acts. As important, is each person has valid and invalid reasons for choosing unkindness. Accept that the opportunity to kill with kindness presents itself everywhere: at home, at work, and within the community. A recent number for the global cost of stress and violence in the workplace to businesses is $300 billion (Vincent, 2011). Anyone can kill with kindness anywhere once he or she accepts that unkindness happens.
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Adjustments in behavior are necessary whenever unkindness occurs. The first adjustment to make is to realize that engaging in unkind acts is deciding to give up on important gains. Consider this: 37 cultures around the globe and 16,000 subjects reveal that the most important trait in a mate is kindness (Vincent, 2011). Happier people are kinder people (Otake et al., 2006). Decreases in days off work, increases in productivity, retaining workers, reduction in medical expenses, and lowered legal expenses are the result of greater demonstrations of kindness at work (Vincent, 2011). Kindness breeds care in appearance and welfare; co-workers treat each other better; and communities benefit by random acts of kindness (Vincent, 2011). Experts believe that these adjustments are good for your heart and soul (Vincent, 2011).
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A person in attendance has the opportunity to unviel world view, knowledge, and skill sets (Thesaurus.com, 2012). Each of us has the power to be in the moment and acknowledge the greatness we experience off and online. Nothing is full of perfection according to the common observer. The good and the bad are there for all to witness. The message to take away is that as audiences and content providers, we are responsible for focusing our complete attention in the present moment. The action of being all “there” in the moment is a formula for success within itself. This action is the best we can be because every moment is unique and precious. Each of us realize that once a moment is gone: it is gone. Paying attention means honoring ourselves, others, and the magic of each moment. Be kind by paying attention and by every moment as though it is the last moment on earth.
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According to Dictionary.com (2012), coordination is, “harmonious combination or interaction, as of functions and parts” (“Coordination,” 2012). Every living thing exists in coordination with other living creatures no matter how abstract. This fact is obvious in nature but less obvious in every day life. A common misconception is to isolate, divide and conquer. How successful is this way of living? The online community is just that: a community. Allowing people to contribute without judgment is a form of engagement. Communities make the people who inhabit the space feel safe. People in communities feel like they are part of a whole. Community members become possessive of communities and defend community members and authority figures. Community members behave more congenially. Members come to expect each other to toe the line of kindness, respect, and obey the rules engagement. Once again, kindness breeds the expectation of kindness.
Bullying is rising at an alarming rate according to a 2006 study by Shanetia P. Clark and Barbara A. Marinak entitled ‘The Attributes of Kindness: Using Narrative and Expository Texts to Confront the “Casualty of Empathy.”‘ The title is a mouthful as articles in academic journals often are. The single message is young adults are bullies and in danger of losing their future to “dark” side (Clark and Marinak, 2006). Teachers, parents, and authorities wonder why adolescents are determined to forcibly dominate each other. Rape counselors like Rhonda James consider empathy a victim of neglect in our communities (Clark and Marinak, 2006). Empathy is seen as weakness at homecoming dances so young people find comfort in watching a rape than doing anything to stop the madness (Clark and Marinak, 2006). Society members are as guilty as rapist if members sit by and do nothing to lead the way to elevating empathy. Children of all ages emulate parents of all temperaments (Clark and Marinak, 2006).
Henry Ford said that whether you think you can or you can not, you are right! (Good Reads, 2012). Expecting kindness and expecting to be kind to others elevates the kindness expectancy rates in the community (Andersen, Saribay, and Thorpe, 2008). Try this experiment the next time you enter a parking lot. Instead of thinking there are no spaces near the front by the elevator or wherever you need easy access, expect to find a space in the front of the lot. Believe and fully expect to find a space waiting for you at the front of the lot. Will the space to be there just for you and see what happens. Implement the same positive mindset when thinking about giving and receiving kindness. Consider the alternative: mean negative people attract mean negative people. Mean people they destroy engagement and much more.
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How would a person feel looking into the eyes of someone who utters the words: “Thank you,” and means it? Words are inept at describing the sensation of being part-of-everything-wonderful in the world. Let your mind imagine a culture where members of an organization feel strength in never saying those words to each other. Further, the authority figures of this work culture encourages members to disgrace, demean and humiliate the unpopular or less assertive members of the team. The meekest member would feel a rush from successfully belittling anyone in front of an organization’s leader. Using the words, “thank you” and showing others that he or she is vital to the team and appreciated strengthens rather than weakens teams: being outwardly positive and grateful is healthy scientifically (Dhiman, 2010).
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Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self confidence is preparation” (Brainyquotes.com, 2012). Kindness also requires tremendous self-confidence. Some people prefer the comfort of familiarity. To a few of these people, “comfortable familiarity” are pessimistic default modes and downward spirals of negativity. A healthy image to have front of mind whenever social skies are dark and menacing is how soaking miserable the poor soul is swelling his or her breast plate to eject unkind words. Hold the image firm and experience the opposite affect of those harsh words and actions as the spirit warms with toasty sunbeams of enlightenment.
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A smile is free to give and priceless to receive. A smile is infectious: smiling breeds smiling. Heavy full rich tearful smiles may dress the lips of readers of Theresa Squires Collins final graduation day poem to her departing class called, Mentor (Collins, 2009). One of the first items to appear on a list from Theresa Squires Collins to her students is (2012) is:
What we have come to mean to each other:
A ready smile;
A surprise of knowing. Collins, 2012, p 224.
Practice does make perfect when it comes to becoming happy (Dhiman, 2010). To practice kindness is to increase the likelihood of happiness in everyday life (Dhiman, 2010). What has anyone got to lose by implementing one of these secrets to happiness each day?
Human beings will never stop attempting to discover more about themselves and others. It is human nature to be curious about how the mind, body, and spirit function to create unique individuals. This journey of self-discovery is welded together in all human emotions. Every person has skeletons in the closet. We are all sinners and saints, respectively. We are each the sum that makes up the whole of humanity. We desire companionship throughout our lives in varying degrees. The secret here is to never forget the connectedness of all life everywhere. The conscious act of seeing ourselves in others and others in ourselves is a form of social identity and the practice of kindness. Be triumphant and triumphs in all aspects of life will be yours!
By Denise Doe-Chew
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